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conversations with M

Well since you already bought them… Me: Yes, on Christmas there will be presents under the tree, from me, and grandma, and- M: NOOOOO! Me: What? M: Not from you, mommy, from Santa! Me: From Santa but also from me. M: NO! I don’t want presents from you! Only from Santa! Me: So should I take the presents I bought back to the store? M: Wait, are they in the trunk right now? Mom asks for a lot Me: Are you going to get mommy something for Christmas? M: Yes. A glove. Me: One glove? Can I maybe get two gloves, one for each hand? M: Oh mommy, alright. Fine. Been there done that Me: After Christmas, we’re going to go on a big trip, to a place that’s a lot warmer. We’re going to a place called California. M: Again??? Nothing is as fun to say as “poop” Me: How was school? Did you do anything fun? M: Yes. I played with… POOP! *wild laughter* Me: Ewww. Yucky. Did you play with any friends? M: Yes, my friend POOP! Me: What did you have for lunch? (Should’ve stopped here.) M: …POOP! The Fossil Book Every night we read stories, and for some time M has been choosing to read a beginner reader book (ages 6-7) which has chapters and a few small pictures on each page and it’s all about fossils. The four types of fossils, the way fossils […]

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unmotivated and dragging

Oh my god. I have literally got so much to do and no motivation to do it. The house is a wreck (per usual) and there are things I need to do… like wrap presents, organize cupboards to make room for stuff from my grandma’s things, and get rid of old stuff, and put together the tandem bike attachment and bike rack, and the list goes on. The inside of my car is in dire need of cleaning. My yard needs cleaning up, too. But I’m just frozen, feel like I’m walking in thick sludge. It’s hard to pick my feet up and move. I feel god-awful lonely. I have the unshakeable urge to just talk to someone, so here I am blog. Talking and procrastinating. The days are gray and dreary. Night comes very early. I’ve lost my appetite. I feel restless and simultaneously completely lacking in motivation. Time to get my act together! Update Cleaned the whole house, including drawers and cupboards, the yard, and the car! Went grocery shopping, gave little miss a nice bath and read lots of stories before an easy bedtime. Then watched the newest episode of This Is Us with some wine and the Christmas tree. Turned out to be a good day!

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I’m moving and I’m unprepared

I feel totally unprepared to be moving to San Francisco in three weeks. I don’t even know what I’m going to do about health insurance yet! And packing? I’m sort of frozen. Should I be doing something else? We’re just going to pack and drive and show up. I have all the hotel rooms booked for the cross-country drive. I supposed I should make some sort of packing list… I have no idea if everything will fit in the car but some foggy image in my mind of. like, strapping suitcases to the roof with bungee cords. I’d feel better if I had a contract scheduled for April. Of course I just got the January contract so why would I have an April contract yet? I wouldn’t. I just wish I knew where I’d be working already. I guess it’s a little pre-life change jitters going on. One thing for sure is that I’m bored as fuck at home. I’ve been getting headaches a lot, and staring around my cluttered and messy house with that sinking awful feeling again. That feeling where you ┬ájust have nothing to look forward to all day. It’s grey and cold and awful here, and there is literally nothing to do. If I wasn’t leaving I think I’d lose my damn mind!

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off the supps

I did a little experiment and stopped giving M the supplements she’s on (five of them) for the last few weeks. I wondered if she’d outgrown her issues, or if the supplements were even doing anything. God knows we don’t need one more monthly expense. Well, I can very decisively say that they are doing something, because the last few days she’s been wonky. Wonky as in, can’t stop moving her body. Wiggling, jumping, jerking, writhing… constantly. And running, running everywhere nonstop. Also she’s hotter than normal, sleeping naked above the covers and it’s winter. Example one: This looks like a little squirrely-ness but it quickly devolves into knocking things over, dropping things, falling or tripping, running away from me and laughing at the chase game even when it isn’t safe, climbing on things that are not meant to be climbed, and generally making herself unwelcome anywhere in public or other people’s homes. I tried to upload a video of her running in circles at swimming, nonstop, wildly… It won’t upload, but it’s amazing how much she is sticking out in that roomful of kids. Swimming lessons are deteriorating as she can’t focus on what the teachers are asking of her, instead just doing goofy things in the water. It breaks my heart to see her so all over the place, scattered, and out of control. I don’t like her getting into trouble and feeling shamed and yelled at when […]

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November spending

Alright let’s see what happened here. The 2nd half of our Hong Kong to Canada leg cost me: $508.54 That’s meals and snacks, the hotel, the Dreams Come True park… but this still seems like a lot. Monthly bills: $2038.54 same as always Groceries: $320.01… down by over $100 due mainly to being out of the country the first part of the month Snacks and drinks and fast food: $22.76, because most of it is in the travel expenses. Gas: $135, down over $100 again, thanks to travel in the first part of the month Kids activities: $78.49 one movie and swimming lessons. There was Christmas (I’m done with all my shopping) and some SF spending starting up (my bike and tandem attachment, registering M for her preschool). Total in: $3121.44 Total out: $3735.56 DAMMIT.  

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on Santa, and Christmas

I was going to buy M one thing for Christmas, plus a stocking. Well, this is not working out so well. I have ended up wanting to get her the handful of things she’s consistently said she wanted: a Princess Celestia and Night Mare Moon pony (found both together for ten bucks on ebay), a Littlest Pet Shop Jet (she wanted a plane she can take her figurines in a ride in), a Mermaid tail (the kind her half-sister was wearing on FB), and little mermaids and bath color tablets for the stocking (cause she’s obsessed and we have none left). These have been her requests pretty consistently for the last three months. And then she has one gem stone dig gift already wrapped in the trunk that I grabbed from a toy store that was going out of business, it was 50% off. Then dye-free candy for the stocking. So… that plus the couple of gifts I got for my niece and mom, and I’m trying to keep it under $200. I also told her I’m buying her presents for Christmas, not Santa. I don’t feel comfortable being the one who feeds into the myth that an old white man who doesn’t work except one night per year get all the credit for the Christmas magic. She does believe in Santa because of other influences, and I’m not going to say Santa isn’t real. But I’m telling her that […]

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life in the interim

We are finally back to normal, on a regular schedule and back into our routines. M is back to sleeping late in the morning and not wanting to go to school. (She’d rather laze around on her iPad, don’t blame her!) We are back to our normal mother/daughter relationship, too. I’ve been working a little extra, including the holiday, and cleaning, and running M to school and swimming and whatnot. We put up our Christmas tree, settling on the little 3-footer after debating about getting a real one. The little one worked out because I didn’t have to move the furniture. It has so many bulbs and garlands on it, though, you can’t even see the tree! People keep asking me if I’m so busy getting ready for our San Fran trip. But no. That’s not how I roll. A few days before (Christmas) I’ll start packing maybe, but the stuff we’re taking is the stuff we use (toiletries, clothes, salt and sugar, etc). Housing and preschool and swimming and gymnastics… those are all set. I need to buy royal blue scrubs. I need to pick up the bicycle I bought from a co-worker. I need to strap my friend’s crib onto the room and bicycle onto the back… maybe we’ll need a trailer. I’m not sure. I have all the Christmas shopping done that I’m going to do, for about $220. And I picked up overtime for that. I […]

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