random thoughts in grief

-I’m afraid to try again, yet desperate to try again

-I’m afraid to be sick again like I was in the first trimester

-I’m afraid I will never get very attached to the next baby if I’m pregnant, to protect myself

-I’m afraid to go out of the house, because it reminds of how proud I was to “look pregnant”

-I hate my body right now. It’s flatness, the engorged breasts that leak for no one. The void where her kicks and movements once were.

-I want to make a garden this spring, and call it Avalon’s garden, with a fountain, trellises, etc.

-This is the ring I really want: (white gold, blue topaz stone, size 5, “Avalon” on the top side, “12/13/12” on the bottom.)



Categories: baby loss

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