random thoughts in grief

-I’m afraid to try again, yet desperate to try again

-I’m afraid to be sick again like I was in the first trimester

-I’m afraid I will never get very attached to the next baby if I’m pregnant, to protect myself

-I’m afraid to go out of the house, because it reminds of how proud I was to “look pregnant”

-I hate my body right now. It’s flatness, the engorged breasts that leak for no one. The void where her kicks and movements once were.

-I want to make a garden this spring, and call it Avalon’s garden, with a fountain, trellises, etc.

-This is the ring I really want: (white gold, blue topaz stone, size 5, “Avalon” on the top side, “12/13/12” on the bottom.)

image

Advertisements

Categories: baby loss

1 Comment »

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s