the land of Avalon

I’m going to have the hysteroscopy tomorrow morning. Let’s see just how deviant my uterus is, or if it, too, was just a victim of fate’s cruel joke. Apparently it’s done in clinic, and they don’t want me on my period. So they’re just going to do it now, while I’m not having a period, since who knows when I may get one again.

I got a beautiful necklace today that says Avalon, and has a tiny dangly the color of her birthstone. It’s going to match my ring perfectly. Also, I had the gardener out yesterday to look at the site for her memorial garden. It’s going to be a lot of work (a lot of money, I mean, because even the smallest flower beds are a lot of work for me!), but I think it will be beautiful, and friendly to the environment, too. He’s going to use as many of the native plants as possible, and we aren’t going to use any chemicals that could hurt the wildlife. I want a small white bench overlooking the adjacent pond, so people can sit there and watch all of the wildlife. It’s full of frogs, turtles, ducks, otters, woodchucks, and god knows what else. It’s really a beautiful habitat. I just want it to be colorful and lovely, so that all the people who walk around my lake and pass it by will say, oh look at that, what a beautiful garden.

And a relative of mine just surprised me with a gift card to go toward the garden. So sweet. My co-workers have also taken up a collection of some sort for me. Originally it was to help my mom buy the ring, but so many contributed to that, so anything left over will go toward the garden.

Avalon was originally a place of worship by the ancient people of the British Isles, but according to legend, was separated from our world by its druids and priestesses in the face of persecution by Christian newcomers. For a time those who knew the spells or the way could come and go between Avalon and the world, but after a while the worlds drifted apart, and soon Avalon was lost to everyone, although its beauty and sacredness lived on through in the heart of the people. According to legend, King Arthur’s sister Morgan Le Fay, or Morgaine Queen of the Fairies, took her brother back to Avalon when he was fatally injured in battle, in order to heal him of his mortal wound with Avalon’s magic.

All my life I thought I would name my first daughter Morgaine, and I was as surprised as anyone when I suddenly told a nurse “her name is Avalon”. She picked her own name, and it was perfect, for she will always be as magical, beautiful, and impossible to reach as that land that lay beyond the mists. Avalon, a child of the gods, named for a place of mystery, a place of unimaginable wonders, a place lost to us in the physical realm, but living eternally in our hearts.

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Categories: baby loss

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