it’s time

It’s time to face the real world, and go back to work tomorrow. One month ago I was lying in bed just like I am now, the night before work, listening to Avalon with the doppler and laughing as she kicked it. I was telling myself to put it away and get some sleep. There would be plenty of time for that later… I had had another routine OB check up. The world was right. The next morning, December 8th, I drove in to work, walked through the building and felt something wet. The Bleed.

One month ago I still existed in a world where mothers have healthy babies, and Avalon had a long, wonderful future as my daughter. One month later it’s time to walk those same hallways without her, time to walk through the day as though nothing as changed, but of course everything has changed. The world ended. And then it kept going without my daughter.
How will I make it through a day of being a nurse, a job that demands everything of me, when I just have nothing more to give?

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Categories: baby loss

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