Eckhardt Tolle says that to the ego, every ending is like a little death. That is why it cannot simply accept the “is-ness” of each moment. That this moment is the way it is, you feel the way you feel, you can do something or nothing… But this exact moment simply IS. You must accept it, even if there is an action you can take to change the situation (sometimes there isn’t), you must first accept that this moment is just what it is.
I have died so many deaths. The baby died. It was the ending of so many, many dreams, goals, expectations, fantasies, securities, naivite, faith, hope… It was the end of so much. So many deaths you could almost call it a massacre. Can I accept the present moment for what it is, right this second? The aftermath of a bloody, pointless massacre? The endless fields of carnage? I am dealing as well as can be expected, says the therapist. Can this be a different moment? Can I accept it for what it is, dark, dreary, crushing? Afterall, what does denying it do? Can I reject it? No, but I suppose I try, somehow, to sit and scream at the universe that it was unjust. That I am owed something now. An apology, if not a whole heap of good luck from now on. Eckhardt would shake his head at that. “all you have is this moment”. Accept your sadness, accept your grief. Sit with it, abide with it, let it be, let it exist. Everything else will flow from there.