To the commenter who says I’m “in need of some serious therapy” because I sometimes deal with overwhelming feelings of resentment towards other moms who had live babies:
These feelings are normal. Baby loss moms (and dads) have very irrational feelings sometimes. Otherwise perfectly normal conversations happening around us cause us a lot of pain. Just *seeing* a pregnant woman can cause sudden flashes of extreme anxiety, grief, and pain. There is nothing wrong with feeling this way. We know that it is NOT these other women’s fault for having normal pregnancies and births. In fact, we really don’t want anyone else to experience what we have. This is a miserable club to join and we all wish it never had another member.
In need of serious therapy? Yes indeed, most parents who lose a child ARE in need of therapy. That’s also normal and healthy. Keep in mind that people who are going through the extreme emotions of grief often blog or write to express these feelings. We don’t have to put a disclaimer up that our feelings are not always rational. I don’t need to even explain that because the community I’m blogging for right now is a community of baby loss moms who understand and have posted similar sentiments.
So when I say that sometimes seeing a happily pregnant woman makes me want to shove her off a cliff? Yeah, I actually have no intention or desire to literally shove her off a cliff. I actually hope that she never, ever feels what I’m feeling. I hope she has a completely normal pregnancy and birth, and can talk about the birth of her baby for the rest of her life without feeling like it’s a punch in the gut. But I have every right to feel what I’m feeling and to write about it in my blog. If it doesn’t make sense to you, well… you’ve probably never lost a baby. Or you deal with grief differently. Either way, put aside your judgments of my feelings, or at least keep them to yourself.
Categories: baby loss