Oh my goodness

Someone on a free sperm donor facebook group just asked, “do I have to be on my period to get pregnant?” I’m not making fun of her, at all, I just got very sad thinking about a woman (hopefully she’s not a young girl!) having so little reproductive education in a modern world with access to facebook.

Speaking of TTC-ing, I have debated whether or not to post anything about it if and when I try and/or get pregnant. Logically, I know that blogging about it won’t make anything bad happen, but I have a weird OCD-like fear of jinxing it now.

Did Avalon die because I blogged about getting a BFP the day I got it? Obviously not. And I probably will end up blogging about it… I mean, how can I not mention the living hell that is the first trimester? Ok, every pregnancy is different, but when people tell me that all I think is, oh god next time I’ll stay sick even after the 2nd trimester starts… if I’m even lucky enough to make it that far…

I have never been more miserably physically sick or depressed as I was weeks 7 through 11 of my pregnancy. I kept wondering if I’d made a mistake, if I would be able to bond with my baby, and I repeatedly reassured myself that never, ever again would I put myself through pregnancy. Once was enough.

And here I am. Doing the unthinkable, after the unthinkable happened to me.

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Categories: baby loss

5 Comments »

  1. I don’t know if a somewhat similar success story is helpful or not but I just thought I’d share that my best friend lost her son at 16 weeks, but has continued on to have 2 more boys.

    Thinking of you ❤

  2. It is genuinely sad how little women know about their bodies. I think every little girl should be handed a copy of Taking Charge of Your Fertility as soon as she has her first period.

    I hope you will continue to blog about your TTC journey. It’s been good for me blog about the anxiety surrounding TTC and now pregnancy. I understand not wanting to “jinx” it though.

  3. Those that dare to do the unthinkable, and face fears and challenges that they have already struggled through once, are the inspirations to others. The motivators that lead others to have faith in their own pursuits. If you feel this is a path God is leading you to, you should share, because somewhere, someone else out there is walking a very close path to yours, and you just might be the strength and support they need, too.

  4. I am right there with you. If/when I decide to TTC again, I have this want to not tell anyone. Keep it a secret, even if it is painfully obvious and just yell, “I just got fat!” Then one day after the rainbow is born, call up everyone and say, “Guess what?” Sadly for me, it is not an option. I will be on complete bed rest from 12 weeks on. So everyone will know 😦

    I hope you come to a ‘peaceful’ decision.

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