how does my garden grow?

I came home today to see some more progress on the garden.

Avalon’s garden. It was almost as if, by watching it grow, I am watching her grow. She grows in my mind daily, in that other reality that seems more real than this one, my belly now so huge I can barely move without groaning. My little girl cramped and squished and ready to push out of her home within me and meet the world. I don’t get to experience that, nor does she. I don’t get to watch her grow, meet milestones, first ponytails, first finger painting, first day of school, first heartbreak… on and on until forever.

But I get to watch her garden grow.

I will water it, trim it, nurture it, love it.

It’s not enough, oh no, not nearly enough. But, because and only because she lived, it is something that grows.

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Categories: baby loss

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