sometimes I feel you in the rain

At about 4am this morning I found myself awake, listening to a soft rain pattering against my bedroom window. Just like when a deer pauses and lifts her head, catching a scent on the air… just like when you suddenly think about someone you haven’t spoken to or seen in years and have a feeling that they are thinking of you… I suddenly had a sense of my daughter in the rain. Some of essence of her was there in that soft, gentle pitter-patter and the scent of wet grass and moist air on the draft through the screen.

Where did my daughter go, when she went away? Into the everywhere. Into the rain. It doesn’t make me miss her less, it doesn’t make me less angry or less sad. But it does fill me with a sense of wonder, and somehow take me a little farther from the pain, and a little closer to her.

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Categories: baby loss

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