under a crescent moon

I slip into the still water, my whole body sliding under its silky surface, and allow myself to float beneath the crescent moon. A hint of twilight is still shimmering on the horizon as I watch the first stars appear above me.

This is the place where I most feel my connected-ness to the world around me. I stretch myself out, I slide through the water as smoothly as the turtles whose heads bob up nearby, I inhale its scent and it absorbs me completely. After a few minutes as a water creature, I become human again, and hug my knees below the water. Face dripping, I turn my eyes to the moon and, asking nothing, making no requests, simply allow my mind to open to the universe, to allow the depths of me to speak without the din and clamor of my mind to interfere.

I think about Avalon. I am overwhelmed with gratitude for my time with her, for her short but intense presence in my life, and for all the things she taught me and gave me. One of those magical things is Jo Jo, daughter of my heart, who may not legally be mine, but in the order of the universe is mine already, always has been, and always will be, no matter where she passes all of her remaining years. I think of a man whose life is hanging by a thread, whose wife and daughter hold vigil over his struggling, fragile body, a man who waits hour by hour for new lungs.

I open my being to love, at the time its meant to come, and know that the person who is supposed share sunsets and kisses and and tears, that person will be here exactly when she is supposed to, as will everything else. Good or bad, I will accept my struggles with as much grace as I can muster, and fervently celebrate every joy.

A wild patience has taken me this far… -Adrienne Rich

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Categories: life in general

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