I’ve always had a wicked case of post travel depression. I’d take these epic trips, have amazing adventures, come home and basically cry and mope and sleep for weeks. This time I’m feeling a little down, a little short-fused, but nothing like I used to feel. Granted, I didn’t go anywhere super thrilling, well with the exception of one day in NYC. By I also have a two year old who has a bad case of post-travel bad behavior (this is a pattern for her, behaves great on trips and acts up for like a week after coming home). I also have a birthday party to plan and studying to do.
Walking through the airport, though, oh god did it make me ache to take off and see the world again. The pure feeling of freedom on an airplane with one bag of possessions and the whole world at my beck and call… Being a mom has completely changed a lot of that. Like, now I’m not enjoying a book and hot coffee on layovers, rather I’m gulping the coffee and chasing a kid around. I’m not savoring the upcoming adventure fully because I’m worried that my kid might not sleep, or she might scream, and did I bring enough diversions for her, and what if the plane goes down, etc and so on.
Even with a kid, I still absolutely LOVE traveling. I love seeing the world through her eyes, love visiting places like children’s museums that I might otherwise not have seen, and meeting people from around the world with and without children, because there is no greater conversation starter than a baby. I know it will only get easier as she gets older and has a longer and longer attention span.
I can’t wait to take her to some of my favorite places: Ireland, Turkey, and Nepal. But now I have to worry about things like, what if she gets sick in Nepal? I have to know where the best hospitals are, put off trekking til she’s much older, and calculate when she’s old enough for extended flights and layovers. In the meantime, I have to admit, it feels like a part of me is sort of dying without being able to look forward to a big trip.
For now, my biggest obstacle is money. I don’t have much. Daycare eats up a huge chunk each month, and the costs of toddlerism also adds up. But I am planning for some budget friendly trips in the next year. Hoping to convince some of my girlfriend’s family and my mom to go in on a villa in Mexico next year. I would do anything for a summer trip to NYC, too. For now, I have to deal with my post-trip melancholy and try not to lose my mind while we finish out the long winter.