the dangers of blogging about adoption
This isn’t a blog about my daughter, or about being adopted. It’s a blog about me, about an adoptive mom trying to figure it all out and grab some (online) support along the way from fellow bloggers and moms. It’s my experience: my experience raising a toddler, having an infant, being a foster mom, being pregnant, losing a baby, etc. I just want to point out that I have no idea what my daughter is going to have to say about adoption someday. Maybe she won’t have anything to say, or any need to say anything. Maybe she will have plenty to say, and none of it will look even remotely like the thoughts and opinions I have expressed here.
Bottom line is, I don’t have a clue how she’s going to feel about it all. I don’t know how much of her experience will be shaped by hurt and how much will be shaped by love, although undoubtedly it will be shaped by both. I don’t know if she’ll be an optimist, a pessimist, a cheerful sunny-side-up type, an avoider, a dweller, a dramatist. She’s only two, and she doesn’t even have a favorite color yet. She doesn’t like vacuum cleaners, or getting dressed, but she’s always up for cheese sticks, and balloons. That’s as far as it goes right now.
The only thing I’m sure of, 100%, is that she will know her mommy loves her, no matter how old she gets. She will have her own story to tell and her own, much-more-important-than-mine take on it. She will speak about being an adoptee as an actual expert on the topic. But she will never take a step in this world, or open her eyes upon a new day, without knowing that her mom is her biggest fan and loves her unconditionally. That’s my job, making sure she knows that. That’s the one thing I’m going to be good at if it kills me.
The rest of this blog? Just musings and sharing the journey!
Before the mountains call to you, before you leave this home
I wanna teach your heart to trust, as I will teach my own
But sometimes I will ask the moon where it shined upon you last
and shake my head and smile and say, “it all went by so fast”
You’ll fly away, but take my hand until that day
Cause when they ask how far love goes…
When my job’s done you’ll be the one who knows.
“The One Who Knows” -Dar Williams