Today is my first Mother’s Day as a “legal” mother. It is my third Mother’s Day since becoming a foster and baby loss mom. Just some interesting trivia.
I continue to watch Cindy, M’s first mom, struggle with decisions about where to live and what will happen to her next baby. I feel her despair and sadness from all these miles away. She has not been responding to my texts or messages, and I feel in a way that she is preparing for another loss in advance. I get the feeling she won’t be coming back to our state, which saddens me only because I had hoped to finally meet her.
I am grateful this year to not only be a mother, but to still have my mother and grandmother in my life. They are the bedrock of my being and identity, and I don’t know what I’ll do someday without them.