my spirited, intense child
I tried to read “The Strong Willed Child” by James Dobson and just had to put it down. Not only does the author suggest “praying every night with your hands on the child” as an actual solution to behavioral problems, but he also advocates for corporal punishment. This includes: spanking, paddling, smacking hands/knuckles, and squeezing a muscle so that it is painful. Yikes! I’m not going to do any of that! I was only looking for some guidance as to how to cope with a very strong-willed child, who can occasionally make certain situations quite stressful with her defiance. I certainly wasn’t expecting to read “beat the child when the situation calls for it”.
I switched to “Raising Your Spirited Child” by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. It’s definitely much more along my lines of parenting… I especially like the re-labeling chapter. My child is
bossy a natural leader, demanding and agressive assertive and confident, dramatic experiences her emotions fully, distractable extremely observant of everything in her world, and stubborn excellent at working toward her own goals with diligence. All of these things are true, but although I can get awful frustrated with her (ok, sometimes blind with fury in the moment), I very much admire all of these qualities she comes by so naturally. She most certainly will have in-born leadership skills, will be able to stand-up for herself without hesitation, and will know what she wants and go after her dreams with voracity. Her attention to detail and ability to question the status quo will most certainly give her an extra boost when it comes to pursuing her goals.
I sometimes need reinforcement, though, even if in the form of the written word, when it comes to teaching her to ‘obey her mother’, not physically hurt others, and understand that she cannot get away with murder because she is more persistent than I. I simply have to be more persistent in this regard, and that’s not easy. She comes by her steadfast pursuit of pushing my buttons naturally, I feel like less than a natural at establishing that I am in charge!