I fucked up
I am so royally majorly pissed at myself right now. I traded a day at work with a co-worker just to be nice, to help her out. Apparently, I was on crack in that moment, because I now have to work on M’s first day of school. What the HELL was I thinking? I wasn’t, apparently.
I’ve been nervous as hell about her first day, assuming I’d be taking her, picking her up, and available in case something went wrong. Besides just wanting to take a cute pic of her and see how things go firsthand, I wanted to provide her with continuity and the stability of my presence. I’m now at work, in tears, with a stomachache because I really had my head and heart set on being there for her. She will be ok with my mom, but I need to be the one handling the situation if things don’t go smoothly, and I need to hear what happened firsthand. I also feel like it’s better for her if her mom facilitates the first day drop off and pick up.
So what do I do? Have her miss her first day and take her on Wednesday instead? Well, I almost feel that could be a lot worse, because she will have spent three days with Grandma, and be extra clingy and resistant to being left somewhere by me. I guess I will come to work, be a worried and irritable mess all day, and miss out on this big, important milestone in her life. Hashtag ParentingFail.
I’m going to go back to the back room and… cry some more.