Christmas eve eve
It’s the night before the night before Christmas, and this year I made a rookie parenting mistake: waiting until the last minute to prepare the presents for Christmas morning! Remember, I had an art desk to put together and a wooden castle. I forgot there is no preschool this week, and kept thinking I’d do it when she was at school. Then, CRAP, I realized that I would have to come up with another plan, and my daughter is my absolute shadow. I had to wrap presents in the bedroom with the door locked and her out in the living room with my mom, hollering the whole time. I now have two thirds of the desk put together, out in the garage, in the cold. I was going to finish it tonight but… little miss was wide awake when I got home and didn’t fall asleep until 10pm.
I got up after that anyway, and prepared sugar cookie dough. Why the rush? I want it chilled for the morning, so that we can cut them out, bake them, and decorate them, because at noon we are going to visit her maternal bio-grandpa, and I’d like to bring something with us. He hasn’t seen her since summer, and he is all excited because he bought her something for Christmas. After that we will try to stop by her aunt’s. I don’t know what I’m going to do for her five kids… I might put five packets of hot coco in a little dollar store stuffing along with a few other simple things.
The one thing I’m nervous about is the fact that I want Christmas to be a wonderful time for my kiddo, but seeing her bio family will probably bring to the surface some strong, hard emotions. I think it’s beneficial to do it, in the long run, but it is hard to force myself to take her knowing that I will have to deal with the fall-out afterward, and on Christmas no less.
I had a patient today whose parents adopted him (and many other children). They told me that I would never regret keeping these connections alive for her, because someday soon they will be very important to her, even though they aren’t that important at this moment while she’s two. I took it to heart and also saw it as a sign to go ahead and call her grandpa back and set a date and time.