“one always begins to forgive a place as soon as it’s left behind”

Quote by Charles Dickens.

I read this today and it is so right on. I was getting so frustrated with Michigan, the long drives to everywhere, the lack of scenery, the awful weather, the same-o same-o. Now I’m not there I of course can begin to miss and appreciate the good things that were there. The familiarity and ease that comes with it.

I love the scenery here, every twist and turn reveals a new vista. There’s always something new to feast my eyes on. I love that and feel alive. But the price I pay is anxiety… just a low level buzzing that sometimes peaks. I feel it at home, too, sometimes but it’s a bit more pronounced in a new place. My daughter keeps me grounded, the adventures keep me going. My mom is very anxious and not enjoying herself at all, which makes me anxious. I want everyone to be ok. I empathically feed off of the anxiety of others, and I feel responsible for everyone’s happiness right now, not just my own.

I think I will feel a million times better this time next week when I have begun my job and it’s not all a mystery. I hope it’s an ok place and I’m not miserable. I hope the rain clears up and we aren’t stuck inside for another week. It makes it hard to feel cheery and hopeful when it’s still so gloomy.

I miss Mariah’s school, my one mom friend who shops organic with me, my co-workers and their dry morbid sense of humor, and the comfort of knowing what each day will bring. But I have a feeling I will miss the adventure even more than that once I’m back there!

Advertisements

Categories: life in general

1 Comment »

  1. Tell your mom that the wet will not last long and everything will be easier then. Because it will be. It is harder in a new place when it is cold and wet. Is there anything in particular that she needs to find to orient herself? Ask and there will be answers. HANG IN! It will be easier!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s